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New Years Resolutions
By the BeRZeRKeR
January 2000
This year, I am going to make a special effort to become a better person. I’m going to strengthen my existing social and emotional relationships. I’m going to take a more active role in my community and make a positive difference in other people’s lives. In that light, I have made the following resolutions for the New Year:
- I will be more sensitive to the feelings and wishes of others.
- I will continue to kick ass.
- I will think first of the other person.
- When not kicking ass, I will be training for the next ass kicking opportunity.
- I will gladden the heart of a child.
- I will aerate suckers on the sprints.
- I will take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth.
- At an average velocity of twenty-two miles per hour.
- I will first try to understand.
- If I don’t understand it, I’ll kick its ass.
